Choosing a life partner: 5 things to consider
General Discussion,
Why do we fail so much when choosing a life partner? Why do we perpetuate relationships that make us unhappy?
There is the possibility of making love a conscious choice, a decision made not only from the emotion and impulsiveness of falling in love but also from rationality and lucidity.
The problem is not that love is predestined to failure: it is not. But knowing how to choose a partner is not always easy.
Wrong love choices
The problem comes when we rush to choose a partner, either because we do not want or know how to be alone and we throw ourselves into the arms of the first who provides us with care, either because we do not love each other, and we need someone else to replace our lack of self - esteem with their care and affection, or because they blind us to certain characteristics of the other that prevent us from seeing the whole of their personality.
Looking for a protective figure
If we are related from the lack, it is probable that we look for in the partner (unconsciously) a substitute for our father/mother, a nurse, a psychologist, or someone who fulfills all these roles at the same time.
This will cause the relationship to become unbalanced right away, our demands to grow and our needs to never be satisfied, the other person to be exhausted and the relationship to eventually lead to unhappiness, hatred, or breakup.
Therefore, the main step that we always forget is learning to be alone with ourselves.
To be complete people, to deal with our shortcomings, to establish clear life goals, to manage our emotions, to tolerate frustration and fear of failure, to self-care for ourselves, and to love ourselves as the unique and unrepeatable people that we are ... all these factors will allow our emotional life to be healthier and beneficial for everyone.
Mini-guide on choosing a partner
Once we have done this task of introspection and personal work, we will be (relatively) prepared to start a love relationship.
What filters can we use when choosing the person with whom to start a relationship?
1. Remember our failed relationships
Preventing the “ex” from being presented to us in another person's body is necessary since we tend to always choose the same type of partners, and therefore to recreate pathological relationship patterns and end up in conflict always for the same reasons.
Identify what went wrong in your previous relationships and what characteristics the new partner (and you) must have in order not to end as badly.
2. Find common ground
Observe and identify the values, beliefs, and life expectations of the other person and assess if they objectively fit with yours.
If for example, you do not want to have children and enter into a relationship with a woman who is wanting to be a mother, sooner or later a great conflict will be generated that will lead to either ending the relationship, or giving up one of the members to their life plan, what It will generate anger, rage, frustration, and dissatisfaction.
3. Examine the conversation
One of the most enriching experiences of being with a partner is to open up to the other person and be able to share emotions, concerns, and feelings through the word.
When there is no fluent conversation, boredom and dissatisfaction are likely to come quickly.
4. Look at the sense of humor
Life is too short to decide to spend it with someone who doesn't make you laugh. It is therefore important that you and your partner share a certain sense of humor and be able to have fun together.
5. Same degree of commitment in the relationship
Whether it is a monogamous or polygamous relationship, the important thing is that both members agree with the degree of exclusivity by which they want to build their relationship.
Even following these guidelines, can the relationship "fail"?
Of course. First of all, we have to free ourselves from the idea of the couple as something eternal, from the "forever", since within the uncertainty that a relationship supposes, everything can happen.
It is therefore important to continue building our lives beyond the couple, making it an important part of our life, but not a whole, eliminating phrases such as “you are my life”, “I cannot live without you”, “ always yours ”more typical of emotional and affective dependence than love.
Why do we fail so much when choosing a life partner? Why do we perpetuate relationships that make us unhappy?
There is the possibility of making love a conscious choice, a decision made not only from the emotion and impulsiveness of falling in love but also from rationality and lucidity.
The problem is not that love is predestined to failure: it is not. But knowing how to choose a partner is not always easy.
Wrong love choices
The problem comes when we rush to choose a partner, either because we do not want or know how to be alone and we throw ourselves into the arms of the first who provides us with care, either because we do not love each other, and we need someone else to replace our lack of self - esteem with their care and affection, or because they blind us to certain characteristics of the other that prevent us from seeing the whole of their personality.
Looking for a protective figure
If we are related from the lack, it is probable that we look for in the partner (unconsciously) a substitute for our father/mother, a nurse, a psychologist, or someone who fulfills all these roles at the same time.
This will cause the relationship to become unbalanced right away, our demands to grow and our needs to never be satisfied, the other person to be exhausted and the relationship to eventually lead to unhappiness, hatred, or breakup.
Therefore, the main step that we always forget is learning to be alone with ourselves.
To be complete people, to deal with our shortcomings, to establish clear life goals, to manage our emotions, to tolerate frustration and fear of failure, to self-care for ourselves, and to love ourselves as the unique and unrepeatable people that we are ... all these factors will allow our emotional life to be healthier and beneficial for everyone.
Mini-guide on choosing a partner
Once we have done this task of introspection and personal work, we will be (relatively) prepared to start a love relationship.
What filters can we use when choosing the person with whom to start a relationship?
1. Remember our failed relationships
Preventing the “ex” from being presented to us in another person's body is necessary since we tend to always choose the same type of partners, and therefore to recreate pathological relationship patterns and end up in conflict always for the same reasons.
Identify what went wrong in your previous relationships and what characteristics the new partner (and you) must have in order not to end as badly.
2. Find common ground
Observe and identify the values, beliefs, and life expectations of the other person and assess if they objectively fit with yours.
If for example, you do not want to have children and enter into a relationship with a woman who is wanting to be a mother, sooner or later a great conflict will be generated that will lead to either ending the relationship, or giving up one of the members to their life plan, what It will generate anger, rage, frustration, and dissatisfaction.
3. Examine the conversation
One of the most enriching experiences of being with a partner is to open up to the other person and be able to share emotions, concerns, and feelings through the word.
When there is no fluent conversation, boredom and dissatisfaction are likely to come quickly.
4. Look at the sense of humor
Life is too short to decide to spend it with someone who doesn't make you laugh. It is therefore important that you and your partner share a certain sense of humor and be able to have fun together.
5. Same degree of commitment in the relationship
Whether it is a monogamous or polygamous relationship, the important thing is that both members agree with the degree of exclusivity by which they want to build their relationship.
Even following these guidelines, can the relationship "fail"?
Of course. First of all, we have to free ourselves from the idea of the couple as something eternal, from the "forever", since within the uncertainty that a relationship supposes, everything can happen.
It is therefore important to continue building our lives beyond the couple, making it an important part of our life, but not a whole, eliminating phrases such as “you are my life”, “I cannot live without you”, “ always yours ”more typical of emotional and affective dependence than love.
Concept and nature of love in Islam
General Discussion,
What is love? Is there any feeling for a person of the opposite sex love? Longing for him or her, bright dreams, wish for good - is all this love? Or maybe love is more than just a feeling? How do you know this is love?
Bangladeshi marriage site Bandhan Media
General Discussion,
Bangladeshi marriage sites are growing day by day.
Bangladesh marriage media Dhaka
General Discussion,
Choosing a soul mate is a very responsible and delicate matter.
How to bring passion back to a relationship
General Discussion,
Passion is an important aspect of conjugal life.
Marriage media: myth or reality!
General Discussion,
I a bussy wold you many need help from marriage media for finding out your life partner.
Why you need to go to a marriage agency
General Discussion,
The reasons for going to a marriage agency
Bangladesh matrimonial sites: do they work?
General Discussion,
Bangladesh matrimonial sites are doing well
Bangladeshi Matrimonial Bandhan Media
General Discussion,
Best Bangladeshi Matrimonial Bandhan Media
বিয়ের আগে রক্তের গ্রুপ জানা জরুরী কেন?
Bride, Groom,
বিয়ের আগে বর ও কনের রক্তের গ্রুপ পরীক্ষা করা অত্যন্ত জরুরী একটি বিষয়। স্বামী-স্ত্রীর রক্তের গ্রুপ কেমন হওয়া উচিত সে বিষয়টি নিয়ে আলোচনা করার আগে প্রথমে আমাদের রক্তের গ্রুপ সম্পর্কে কিছু কথা জানা দরকার।
An interview with Maula Vai of Bandhan Media
General Discussion,
Here is an interview with Maula Vai, the owner of Bandhan Media, the top marriage media in Bangladesh. He is running his matchmaking business for about 50 years.
Bangladesh matrimonial sites: do they work?
General Discussion,
Bangladesh matrimonial sites are doing well
কিভাবে বিবাহ বিচ্ছেদ এড়ানো সম্ভব?
Bride,
পারিবারিক জীবনযাপন শুরু হয়ে থাকে বিয়ের মাধ্যমে। এজন্য বিয়ের আগের ও পরের দৈনন্দিন জীবনে অনেক পরিবর্তন চলে আসে। বিয়ে হয়ে গেলেই যে সব দায়দায়িত্ব শেষ ব্যাপারটা কিন্তু তেমন নয় । দায়িত্বটা বরং বেড়েই যায়।
Reasons to Seek Marriage Counseling
Relationships are falling apart. In this post modern era you must consult a marriage counselor for help.
How to be happy as a couple: The 5 habits of happy couples
General Discussion,
How to be happy in conjugal life.
Bangladeshi marriage site Bandhan Media
General Discussion,
Bangladeshi marriage sites are growing day by day.
Bangladesh marriage media Dhaka
General Discussion,
Choosing a soul mate is a very responsible and delicate matter.
Why you need to go to a marriage agency
General Discussion,
The reasons for going to a marriage agency