Kindness: a problem in choosing a partner

Kindness: a problem in choosing a partner
General Discussion,

The choice of partner is one of the decisions that are made the most, to which we seem to give the most important and one of the greatest consequences it can bring.

However, true compatibility is hard to find, and some might say that many couples appear to have originated from a wrong decision. So, if partner choice is so important, why do these choices go wrong so often?

Kindness seems to be a stumbling block when choosing a partner

Much of the psychological studies on this subject take fixed characteristics as variables, such as the level of wealth, objective data on the physical, etc. However, we must also take into account variables that occur in the field, and that only exist in the personal relationship we have with others. Can there be something in that way of relating that influences us when establishing romantic relationships? We already have studies that point in that direction.

Investigation

A research team from the University of Toronto has concluded that one of the explanations for an unfortunate choice of partner could be, in short, this: we are too kind.

Rejecting someone is a difficulty that you are not always willing to overcome, and empathy (or cordiality, or kindness, or courtesy) can make us very open to the possibility of dating us with all kinds of people ... even those who are incompatible with us.

Taking as a starting point the assumption that human beings have social tendencies that lead us to put ourselves in the other's place and to be friendly with others (or, in other words, to avoid conflict), the team carried out an experiment to observe how this predisposition to empathy affected when choosing a partner. To do this, they invited several men and women as experimental subjects, all of these people being single and interested in dating. Each of them, individually, was shown three profiles with various data about three different people.

Later, the experimental subject decided which of these three profiles was the most desirable as a possible appointment. Once this was done, the experimental subject was provided with more information about the person they had chosen: it was a set of data among which there are characteristics that the person has previously indicated as excluding, that is, they eliminate the person you have these qualities as a possible partner.

Upon receipt of this information, the person was asked if they would be interested in contacting the person described in the reports. In other words, if they were interested in having the opportunity to meet her.

The importance of looking good

However, from this point on, the experiment branched out into two variants. Some people were told that the possible better half was right there in the laboratory, in an adjoining room. Another group of participants was asked to imagine that this person was in the next room. This means that one group of participants was more empathetically conditioned than the other, feeling that personal proximity to a person who, at least on paper, did not meet the characteristics they were looking for.

Were the results different in both groups?

Clearly different. In the group of those who only had to imagine the proximity of the other person, only 17% of the participants stated that they wanted to see the other person.

On the other hand, in the group of those who believed they had the other person close, more than a third accepted. Furthermore, when asked what had prompted them to make that decision, the scientists found a combination of self-interest and a spirit of generosity. Concern for the feeling of the other clearly influenced, at the cost of the predisposition to reject possible partners.

However, it is not clear that this trend has to be a source of unhappiness. Of course, it can be if empathy masks important incompatibilities that are revealed as the relationship progresses, until reaching a point where these problems take more prominence than the desire not to hurt the other. On the other hand, it can also originate romantic relationships where a priori there were only banal prejudices and ideas about how the ideal couple should be, and this in turn would gradually strengthen empathy and emotional ties. As in many other things, time seems to be a decisive factor when evaluating a personal relationship.

Related Posts


Concept and nature of love in Islam
General Discussion,

What is love? Is there any feeling for a person of the opposite sex love? Longing for him or her, bright dreams, wish for good - is all this love? Or maybe love is more than just a feeling? How do you know this is love?


Bangladeshi marriage site Bandhan Media
General Discussion,

Bangladeshi marriage sites are growing day by day.


Bangladesh marriage media Dhaka
General Discussion,

Choosing a soul mate is a very responsible and delicate matter.


How to bring passion back to a relationship
General Discussion,

Passion is an important aspect of conjugal life.


How social media is destroying marriage
General Discussion,

The effect of social media on marriage.


Marriage media: myth or reality!
General Discussion,

I a bussy wold you many need help from marriage media for finding out your life partner.


Why you need to go to a marriage agency
General Discussion,

The reasons for going to a marriage agency


Bangladesh matrimonial sites: do they work?
General Discussion,

Bangladesh matrimonial sites are doing well


Is social media a trap?
General Discussion,

Effect of social media on society.


Bangladeshi Matrimonial Bandhan Media
General Discussion,

Best Bangladeshi Matrimonial Bandhan Media

Latest


Why do marriages break up?
Divorce,

Family bonds are breaking down


Bangladesh matrimonial sites: do they work?
General Discussion,

Bangladesh matrimonial sites are doing well


An interview with Maula Vai of Bandhan Media
General Discussion,

Here is an interview with Maula Vai, the owner of Bandhan Media, the top marriage media in Bangladesh. He is running his matchmaking business for about 50 years.


কিভাবে বিবাহ বিচ্ছেদ এড়ানো সম্ভব?
Bride,

পারিবারিক জীবনযাপন শুরু হয়ে থাকে বিয়ের মাধ্যমে। এজন্য বিয়ের আগের ও পরের দৈনন্দিন জীবনে অনেক পরিবর্তন চলে আসে। বিয়ে হয়ে গেলেই যে সব দায়দায়িত্ব শেষ ব্যাপারটা কিন্তু তেমন নয় । দায়িত্বটা বরং বেড়েই যায়।


বিয়ের আগে রক্তের গ্রুপ জানা জরুরী কেন?
Bride, Groom,

বিয়ের আগে বর ও কনের রক্তের গ্রুপ পরীক্ষা করা অত্যন্ত জরুরী একটি বিষয়। স্বামী-স্ত্রীর রক্তের গ্রুপ কেমন হওয়া উচিত সে বিষয়টি নিয়ে আলোচনা করার আগে প্রথমে আমাদের রক্তের গ্রুপ সম্পর্কে কিছু কথা জানা দরকার।


How to be happy as a couple: The 5 habits of happy couples
General Discussion,

How to be happy in conjugal life.


Reasons to Seek Marriage Counseling

Relationships are falling apart. In this post modern era you must consult a marriage counselor for help.


Bangladesh marriage media Dhaka
General Discussion,

Choosing a soul mate is a very responsible and delicate matter.


Bangladeshi marriage site Bandhan Media
General Discussion,

Bangladeshi marriage sites are growing day by day.


Why you need to go to a marriage agency
General Discussion,

The reasons for going to a marriage agency